There are very few TV shows that can match the quick-witted humor of Gilmore Girls. Die-hard fans know just how fast the main characters talk, which makes their stand-out quotes that much more memorable. The show’s clever dialogue never ceases, especially if it has to do with an iconic pop culture moment. Even though fans seem the most enamored by Lorelai, characters like Paris, Luke, and Emily also share incredible one-liners. Here are the best Gilmore Girls quotes to highlight our favorite and spirited moments of the show.
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15. “If you’re having a bad day, find a ledge or a way to deal. My door is not open to you. Ever.” S6E12
Paris Geller is known for her tough exterior and strong personality. This quote from her in season six is no exception. As the editor of the Yale Daily News, she takes on too much work and struggles with her perfectionist tendencies. Her leadership style can be summed up in this quote, which she announces to the writing staff. She is definitely not a touchy-feely boss and her intensity makes this one of the best Gilmore Girls quotes.
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14. “If eating cake is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” S2E3
Lorelai Gilmore is the main character for many reasons, but her chill attitude is one of the best parts of her personality. This relates to many aspects of the show, but one of the most iconic is her diet or lack thereof. She eats what she wants when she wants putting diet culture to shame. As a result, this quote while she samples wedding cakes in season two has become a sort of pop culture anthem.
13. “Oy with the poodles, already.” S2E22
In addition to the Gilmores’ quick wit, Lorelai and Rory always come up with funny inside jokes and sayings that they share. One of the most memorable is “Oy with the poodles already.” This saying is completely random and means nothing. Lorelai came up with it based on the “two funniest words” ever, which according to her are “Oy” and “poodle.” It’s hilariously out of the blue and one of the best Gilmore Girls quotes people still recite today.
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12. “Jerk, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat boy, low life, buttface miscreant!” S5E10
Rory is usually pretty mild-mannered, but when it comes to her relationship with Logan Huntzberger, she can lose her temper. Before they started dating at Yale, he enjoyed playing pranks on Rory and she got really upset when one went too far and interrupted her college class. As a result, she whips out her quick wit and eviscerates him with this iconic insult.
11. “Buy me a boa and drive me to Reno, because I am open for business!” S5E1
Emily Gilmore is a proper lady of Hartford society, which is what makes this quote so funny. When she and her husband, Richard, are having marital issues, she decides to go to Europe by herself. Richard makes several comments implying that he doesn’t approve of her behavior, so she responds by jokingly saying that she is “open for business.” As with all relationship arguments, it gets ugly, but Emily’s humor makes this a memorable line.
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10. “I am an Autumn.” S1E6
Richard Gilmore is a reserved man who prefers to spend his time honorably. His favorite pastime is reading, which he and Rory share as they often discuss reading complex novels and the daily newspaper. When he attends her birthday party in season one, the Stars Hollow crew present is not his cup of tea. As a result, Rory gives him a Cosmopolitan magazine to read.
In the “reading material,” there’s a quiz to determine which season you are. His response is “I am an Autumn.” This exact moment has gone viral on social media recently not only because it’s a funny way for him to connect to Rory, but also because people use his line as the voiceover for beautiful fall scenery.
9. “We can’t be lost; we don’t know where we’re going.” S2E4
This next one-liner is one of the best Gilmore Girls quotes because Lorelai is kidding around and yet manages to say something that is true and philosophical. On their mother-daughter road trip to Harvard University, Rory appears to be uptight because she doesn’t share Lorelai’s desire to wander around the East Coast without a destination. Lorelai is always trying to get Rory to chill and not take things so seriously. As a result, this quote is a perfect example of the wisdom she subtly imparts to Rory. What’s the worst thing that could happen if they don’t plan their destination?
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8. “Raise your right hand and say, ‘May Destiny’s Child break up if I count these blueberries.'” S2E9
Sookie is an underrated character on the show who brings a ton of verbal and physical comedy to the show. This quote that she says to Michel at the Independence Inn is one of her best. She knows that Michel has disordered eating and is too stiff for his own good. Instead of making him the food he wants, she makes him food that tastes good. To tease him even more, she makes him promise that he will eat and enjoy the food or else, his favorite girl group, Destiny’s Child, will break up. He walks away in a huff instead, which is classic Michel.
7. “Violent pencil-tossing usually signals a need for pie.” S1E4
Luke is more funny than people give him credit for. In early seasons, he spends most of his time with the Gilmores at his diner where he serves them food (even if he disapproves of their diet). This quote came about when Rory was frustrated doing her homework and threw her pencil on the floor of the diner. He manages to make her laugh while also offering to take care of her, which sums up his role in the show perfectly.
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6. “Lorelai, when a woman has a crack baby, you do not buy her a puppy!” S5E13
Emily manipulates Lorelai into throwing her a bachelorette party the night before her vow renewal with Richard. Emily calls Lorelai on the phone to ask her to help fix her wedding dress, but Lorelai would rather do anything than spend extra time with her mother. Lorelai tries to evade Emily on the phone, but Emily won’t have it. She’s even more stubborn than her daughter. As a result, she gets snarky and pulls out this sharp line, which makes no sense and yet, communicates to Lorelai that she has to help her mom. That ends the conversation and Emily gets her way.
5. “I’m afraid that once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.” S1E7
When Lorelai is teaching Rory about relationships early on, she has lots of funny and teen-friendly advice. Rory has never spent much time with boys, so when she meets Dean, her first boyfriend, there are a lot of awkward firsts. Lorelai relates to Rory and often shares her own missteps as a teen. After Rory said something stupid, Lorelai assures her that every young teen sounds like a moron around their first crush. It’s certainly one of the best Gilmore Girls quotes about relationships.
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4. “You cannot keep a group of Anglo-Saxons waiting this long or they’ll start to form more clubs.” S5E13
Although she play small roles like Gran and Cousin Marilyn, Marion Ross has some of the best Gilmore Girls quotes out of all the dialogue. On the day of Richard and Emily’s vow renewal, she plays Marilyn who helps Emily plan the wedding event. When things start to delay, she jumps in saying one of the most clever and cunning lines in the show: “You cannot keep a group of Anglo-Saxons waiting this long or they’ll start to form more clubs.” This makes fun of stereotypes in a way that doesn’t feel rude, so it’s an iconic line.
3. “Who wants to play an insipid board game with me?” S5E2
Michel is sassy, lazy, and French, which makes him a favorite character, but someone who is hard to get along with. As the Concierge at the Dragonfly Inn, he has to be friendly and work closely with guests. This doesn’t seem like a good fit, which is made clear when he has to entertain the Krumholtz family and their children. Believe it or not, in this quote, Michel trying to be more of a people pleaser, which is funny because the kids don’t know what “insipid” means.
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2. “No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.” S4E17
By far one of the most aggressive and quick of Paris’ lines happens at Yale when she is too cold to put on a friendly face. After being caught in a freezing rain storm with Rory, they run inside and are clearly soaking wet. A stranger asks her if it’s raining and she replies within one second saying, “No, it’s National Baptism Day. Tie your tubes, idiot.” It’s mean, but clearly points out the obvious. Paris is one-of-a-kind and the only character who can get away with harsh quotes like this one.
1. “Reality has absolutely no place in our world.” S4E1
Lorelai and Rory come home from their Europe trip in season four ready to rest up before Rory goes to Yale for her freshman year. However, they come back later than they planned, which sets off their neighbor, Babette, and she thinks something bad happened. They find out Babette called all the Consulates in Europe, which understandably concerns Lorelai and gives her a huge project to come home to. She blames Rory and proclaims “Reality has absolutely no place in our world.”
Once again, Lorelai uses the opportunity to jokingly tell Rory that she takes things too seriously. Plus, these two seem to live in a place that is a complete anomaly from the real world. This quote perfectly makes fun of themselves, Stars Hollow, and the concept of the show. As a result, we couldn’t forget it as one of the best Gilmore Girls quotes in the series.
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