One song that defines each major Super Bowl LII figure

We’re not hear to analyze a game that’s been talked about for nearly two weeks now. How much more idiocy do we need in print and on the Internet before Super Bowl LII is actually played on Sunday?

Instead, let’s go against the grain for a bit here. It’s time to look at one song that defines each popular member of the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles heading into the big game.

Sit back. Put your earphones on. And blast away as we take you Liverpool to Ohio on this trek down memory lane.

Tom Brady: All I do is Win by D.J. Khaled

“All I do is win win win no matter what. Got money on my mind I can never get enough. And every time I step up in the buildin’. Everybody hands go up. And they stay there. And they say yeah. And they stay there. Up down, up down, up down. ‘Cause all I do is win win win.”

If that’s not perfect, we don’t know what is. We could have gone with We are the Champions, but that would not have been anywhere near original enough. Set to take part in his eighth Super Bowl and as the No. 1 ranked figure on the SNIPdaily NFL Top 100, all Brady has done throughout his career and life is win.

Just ask men out there demanding to know how he hitched his sub 200-pound frame to the only and only Gisele. To be honest, that’s some witchcraft. And if Brady were to hoist the Lombardi for a sixth time, maybe he’d be well off asking D.J. Khaled to write an even better song about winning.

Nick Foles: Help! by The Beatles

“Help me if you can, I’m feeling down. And I do appreciate you being ’round. Help me get my feet back on the ground. Won’t you please, please help me?”

Yeah, dude, you’re going to need all the help you can get. Really. We understand full well that Foles had the performance of his career in the NFC Championship Game, but this is a completely different monster. He’s going from Ringo to Lennon, and no one knows how that’s going to turn out.

Foles needs help. He’s not going to somehow come out on top against Mr. Brady in a shootout. That’s where the rest of the Eagles’ team needs to step up Sunday — much like the rest of The Beatles when Yoko Ono arrived on the scene. Imagine that.

Rob Gronkowski: 1999 by Prince

“The sky was all purple, there were people runnin’ everywhere. Tryin’ to run from the destruction, you know I didn’t even care. Say say two thousand zero zero party over, oops, out of time. So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s nineteen ninety-nine.”

Do we really need to explain this? The most-popular figure in the SNIPdaily Tight End Top 100, Gronkowski is a self-anointed party boy. From motoroboating in clubs after championships to celebrating on boats, Gronkowski knows how to have a good time off the field.

Heck, he decided to invite 69 friends and family to the Super Bowl in Minnesota. That wasn’t an accident. So, what better song to represent him than one performed by the late-great Prince, a Minneapolis native? Add in the party theme, and you get where we’re coming from. Sorry you head in the gutter folks, Prince’s Get It Up — while certainly apropos for Gronk — would have been a tad too racy here. Smash that.

Malcolm Jenkins: Fight the Power by Public Enemy

“While the Black bands sweating. And the rhythm rhymes rolling. Got to give us what we want. Gotta give us what we need. Our freedom of speech is freedom or death. We got to fight the powers that be.”

Stand strong in the face of oppression. Fight the power. This has been a theme for Jenkins since he joined in the Colin Kaepernick-led National Anthem protests, and it’s not going to end any time soon. In fact, Jenkins used one of his Super Bowl tickets to invite a convicted murderer from Philly to the big game. Say what you want about this dude, but he has conviction.

Released in 1990, Fight the Power came shortly before racial tensions took hold around the United States, especially in Southern California with the Rodney King case and the ensuing riots. We find no other song better to represent Jenkins than this one.

Roger Goodell: Sympathy for the Devil by Rolling Stones

“Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste. I’ve been around for a long, long year. Stole many a man’s soul to waste.”

Sorry, Rog. We really did have to go here. To many around the football world, you are the devil. Just ask Jerry Jones, Ezekiel Elliott, Tom Brady, Robert Kraft…okay, the list goes on forever.

We do have sympathy for you. No lie. Here’s a man that has done well to lead the NFL economically since taking over commissionership. It’s now an international brand, something we couldn’t have said about the league before his arrival on to the scene. But this doesn’t make you any less the devil, my man. The Rolling Stones said it best, “stole many a man’s soul to waste.”

Doug Pederson: Philadelphia Freedom by Elton John

“Oh Philadelphia freedom, shine on me, I love you. Shine the light, through the eyes of the ones left behind. Shine the light, shine the light. Shine the light, won’t you shine the light.”

Freed from Andy Reid’s grasp in both Philadelphia and Kansas City, Pederson will now match his former mentor in Super Bowl appearances with one. Freed from backing up Brett Favre in Green Bay, Pederson has led two quarterbacks to career performances this season. Freed from serving as an assistant, he’s now the toast of Philadelphia.

Pederson may want the light to shine through the eyes of those he’s left behind. But more than that, he wants the light to shine on the City of Brotherly Love. What say you, Elton?

Josh McDaniels: Lido Shuffle by Boz Scaggs

“Lido missed the boat that day. He left the shack. But that was all he missed. And he ain’t comin back. Lido will be runnin’. Havin’ great big fun. Until he got the note. Sayin’ tow the line or blow it. And that was all he wrote.”

McDaniels will coach his final game as a member of the New England Patriots on Sunday. The formerly enigmatic head coach of the Denver Broncos will soon take the same job with the Indianapolis Colts. Only this time, the hope is that he has matured from that previous stint in Mile High.

The only real concern here is how McDaniels will react when the always boisterous Colts owner Jim Irsay demands he tows the company line. If he doesn’t, that will likely be all he wrote in Indy. Don’t blow this, Mr. McDaniels.

Bill Belichick: I am a Rock by Simon and Garfunkel

“I’ve built walls. A fortress, steep and mighty. That none may penetrate. I have no need of friendship. Friendship causes pain. It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain.”

Cranky. Nettlesome. Petulant. Irritable. We can use all of these words to describe one Bill Belichick, the greatest head coach in modern NFL history. Just ask the media in New England. Heck, ask the media around the entire world, this one German reporter included.

For how amazing of a coach Belichick is, he’s made ornery a brand. Heck, here’s a dude that comes in No. 1 for the year on the SNIPdaily Brass Top 100 in popularity, ahead of the likes of Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson. People like him, even if Belichick looks at it in a disdainful manner. Hence, him being NFL’s version of Paul and Art’s rock.

Lane Johnson: Who Let the Dogs out by Baha Men

“Who let the dogs out? (Who, who, who, who?!). Who let the dogs out? (Who, who, who, who?!).”

We really don’t need to add much to this. Johnson wore an underdog mask on to the field after his team win in the NFC Divisional Playoffs against the Atlanta Falcons.

It pretty much freaked out an entire nation, much like our infatuation with this one-hit wonder at the turn of the millennium — an infatuation that still makes us wonder why the Y2K scare never came to fruition.

Robert Kraft: Still the One by Orleans 

“We’ve been together since way back when. Sometimes I never wanna see you again. You’re still the one that can scratch my itch. Still the one and I wouldn’t switch. We’re still having fun and you’re still the one.”

We’ve all read the report surrounding friction in New England. Whether the lot of it is true, one thing is clear. Tom Brady can up and retire. The same thing can be said about Bill Belichick. But Mr. Kraft would have to actually bite the bullet and sell the organization if he wanted to cleanse himself of this dynasty.

This makes us wonder just how much more fun the three are going to have with one another. They’ve been together since Baha Men were actually a thing, but do they ever want to see one another again after this tryst? Yeah, thanks Orleans, you hit the nail on the head with this one. The only thing missing is Brady and Belichick taking their Patriots on to the field with this tune come Sunday. Because, why the heck not?